Sunday, October 16, 2005

Three jokes

I thought all of these were great.
  • From The Maverick Philosopher: After knowing one another for a long time, three clergymen -- one Catholic, one Jewish, and one Episcopalian -- have become good friends. When they are together one day, the Catholic priest is in a sober, reflective mood, and he says, "I'd like to confess to you that although I have done my best to keep my faith, I have occasionally lapsed, and even since my seminary days I have, not often, but sometimes, succumbed and sought carnal knowledge." "Ah well," says the rabbi, "It is good to admit these things, and so I will tell you that, not often, but sometimes, I break the dietary laws and eat forbidden food." At this the Episcopalian priest, his face reddening, says, "If only I has so little to be ashamed of. You know, only last week I caught myself eating a main course with my salad fork."
  • Taken from De Civiatate Dei: Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc. The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father" - "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc. After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.) Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are Jesuit priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?" "Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"
  • Taken from De Civiatate Dei: A Jewish man happened to live in an Irish borough in New York City. Every Friday during Lent, he would be out at his grill cooking a big 2" thick Porterhouse steak. The smell wafted through the neighborhood, driving the Catholic locals batty trying to resist temptation. One of them brought the matter to Fr. O'Flaherty at St. Paddy's. "There really only one thing to do," said the priest, "you'll have to try and convert him.." Many years past with many Porterhouse steaks, and many conversations between this fellow and his Irish neighbors. Finally, the Jewish man decided he would become Catholic. The boys brought him to Father for instruction. After it was complete, Father said to the man, "You were born a Jew and you were raised a Jew….but now you are a Catholic." There was much rejoicing in the neighborhood as the next Friday was the first Friday of Lent, and the temptation appeared at its end.. Friday came, and sure enough, the formerly Jewish man was out at his grill cooking his big steak. The locals were up in arms, and as they came to remind the fellow of his Lenten obligations, they heard him talking to his steak: "you were born a cow and raised a cow...but now you are a fish.."

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